Easter

As today is Easter, its always hard on our family. Easter falls on a different day every year, much like thanksgiving. 

Grandma passed on Easter of 2013. I still remember the day like it was yesterday. She had been battling illnesses for a while. She had just turned 92 and was in the hospital again. This time, for good.  The night before, Kaitlyn was spending the night with her dad. I had prepared her easter basket for when she came home easter morning. About 930ish in the morning, I was scrolling facebook, like I normally did. MY friend had posted a picture of her making some pinapple upside down cakes with her daughters. That instant, made me think of gram, only because she had been bugging me to make it for her.

A few minutes later, I got a phone call from her hospital where she was staying. They immediately asked for my dad. He was calm talking to the hospital. After a little while, he came and talked to everyone. Told us that Grandma had just passed. We were all heartbroken. 

My grandmother was my rock. She was always there for me.  When I was in high school, she had a stroke. (That’s part of the reason I gave up basketball).  After every important event, she would always tell me she wanted to see me do another. When I graduated high school, she said “Im gonna watch you graduate college”. Im very sad that she will never see me walk down the aisle to get married either. Kaitlyn misses her all the time. Even though shes been gone for 3 years, it still hurts.

Easter will never be the same again. 

Hard days ...

Some days are harder than others. Today, I feel, it going to be a hard day.

 

Woke up around 350AM. Afraid that I had overslept my alarm as I had did on Monday. Or my #fitbit had died during the night and wouldn’t alarm me at 530AM.  So checking that I was in fact no late, I tried going back to sleep. No such luck. I checked my phone for a lil but. Finally fell asleep about 5 and was woken up at 530 by 2 alarms. Was so tired that I did eventually go back to sleep after the alarms. I was tired and had too much on my mind.

                My mom knows that I am usually up at a certain time to be outta the house at 645ish. I finally got up around 630. I was not feeling well. Had too much on my mind about what I had to do today. Mentally I had a list of what I had to do today. Mostly from what I was suppose to do yesterday. I was too tired to do it.

                So, here I am. At work. I got permits to enter and supplies to order, but the focus isn’t there. Its just one of those days where nothing is helping. The coffee I have, nope, not strong enough.

 

So, for today, here is what Im hoping to accomplish:

 

-clean room,

-fold and put away laundry

-gym

New Hobby

While I was up in Fresno, visiting with some family, they told me that I should make at least one good investment in a year. That got me thinking about my #30before30 list. One of the things on the list was to take better pictures. 

Well. With my new job, I dont get to see much outside action. Im stuck behind a desk, no window view. When I come home, I focus on my needs. The weekend is my playtime. So lots of Kaitlyn shots. 

With the new year, I made it a priority that I was going to take time for me. And with that, I did something for myself that I never thought I would. I bought myself a camera. I had been working with a regular Casio digital camera. It last me through some amazing times. But I needed an upgrade. I wanted to learn more about photography. 

So, I was standing in Target when it hit me. "This was the time to get a camera." That particular Target didnt have the camera so I had to hunt all over for a store that had it. (Thank you GARDENA). 

Kaitlyn getting a spare. 

Kaitlyns cousin at her softball game

Weight Loss ... Never ending Battle

For years, Ive struggled with the never ending battle with my weight. Ive always been on the bigger side. Thats who I am.  But im tired of being big. Im tired of the constant struggle to look good in my own skin. 

In high school, my size was used to my advantage. I played basketball so it helped. AFter I stopped playing basketball, I hadnt thought about my size. I always knew I wanted to lose weight, Just didnt have the motivation. 

When I was in the process of graduating with my AA and going onto CSULB, I was under a lot of stress. That was the lowest I had ever been. I was happy with that weight. No. I wasnt happy how it came off but I wish I tried harder to maintain it. My lowest was 175. 

When I pregnant with Kaitlyn, I topped at 245. After I had her, I went down to 215. I thought at that weight.  I could lose it. The past 6 years, all I've done was do a roller coaster. All up and down. Personal stress makes it go down. But no one can have stress all the time. 

So here I am. Struggling with my weight. Yet Again. But this time, I want it to be different. I am turning 30 in less than 6 months and I want to look good. With the motivation of my friends and family, maybe this will be the year. 

30 Before 30

This year, I decided that I would make a list for my 30th birthday. Turning 30 is a big deal. I have been compliling this list for the past few weeks and I finally decided that I had the right things to do that were important to me. 

30 things before 30 list:

1. Get in shape
2. Learn to sew
3. Better @ Photoshop / Design
4. Decorate/ Creame Home Décor
5.  Start #365 Photochallenge
6. Read 30 books
7. Buy souvenirs for self and others
8. Take spontaneous trip
9. Send postcards
10. Take self portrait (once a month)
11. Participate in 5K
12. Host a bonfire
13. Read a classic novel
14. Start a personal saving fund
15. Start to print photos and frame them
16. Visit the Hollywood sign
17. Watch sunrise at beach
18. Take Kaitlyn to Knotts or Six flags
19. Write letter to self and open in 10 years
20. Start Journal
21. Go back to school
22. Have dinner with all besties
23. Learn to budget
24. Start portfolio of designs
25. Take a spa day
26. Take a class
27. Be a tourist for a day (LA, Hollywood, etc)
28. Take a Self- Beach Day
29. 2016 Money Challenge
30. Have a 30^th Birthday Party

Inspiration

Sometimes I get the inspiration to write. Sometimes I get the urge to write when Im driving places. The problem with that? Im usually on the freeway and I cant really pull over to jot down ideas. And of course Im not going to speak my ideas because 1, I dont know how and 2, it just looks funny. 

So, Ive made a goal for this year. One of my goals this year is to write more. Whether its a lot or even a little. I plan on writing more. Im going to find inspiration anywhere. Ive seen certain blogs that give ideas on what to write. Maybe I can even generate a little extra income by writing.